Wednesday, May 14, 2014

Our Love Languages

While I think I had a pretty good understanding of our love languages before, I took this quiz just for curiosity's sake to see if it seemed to be accurate.  I think it was a pretty accurate quiz unlike all those crazy Buzzfeed quizzes all over Facebook these days.  This quiz is on the site of Dr. Gary Chapman, the author of many marriage and relationship help books.  I think it is good for partners to understand one another's needs and ways of feeling loved.  I want to be the one who provides for my husband's need to feel loved.  Eddie actually has a really good understanding of my love languages already, but I did want to share my results with him really as confirmation to him that he is doing a great job.  I took the test for Eddie first to see if my results for him matched his results to get a better idea of how well I know him.  I do know him pretty well.  Our test results aren't identical although they are similar which shows we do value the same things.  Gifts aren't high on either of our lists, and we both appreciate time together and physical touch as big ways of expressing our love.  While I think it can be a good thing to hold similar values, I also think that couples who are more opposite can work just as well together as long as they try to understand one another's differences.  I haven't read Dr. Chapman's books so this is just my personal opinion here.  Mostly, I think it is just good to always be looking for ways to show love and appreciation to your spouse.

My results

2 Words of Affirmation
11 Quality Time
3 Receiving Gifts
6 Acts of Service
8 Physical Touch

The highest score in any category you can get is 12 so the highest scores indicate the things that make you feel the most loved.  Obviously, I feel the most loved when someone cares enough to spend quality time with me and expresses love with physical touch (holding hands, little public displays of affection, hugging, kissing, etc.).  One of mine and Eddie's big differences is the words of affirmation category.  I think Eddie is similar to most men in that they need to hear that they are important to us and valued and that we appreciate what they do for us.  Eddie had a three way tie with 9's for words of affirmation, quality time, and physical touch.  He had a 2 for acts of service so being "served" isn't really high on his list which I knew because he is actually more of a server.  As you can see, I actually like some acts of service like helping me with tasks around the house.  Eddie is great at doing that and actually does most of the daily household tasks since he is home a little more than I am.  I think this may change a little if we were in a different place in our lives.  We both had very low scores for receiving gifts although an extra thoughtful little surprise every now and then can be a great way to show we care.  We don't usually buy one another big Christmas and birthday gifts and usually make decisions together about the big things we buy .

Have you and your spouse taken a quiz like this to see if you really know one another or how you need to feel loved?  I think they can be kind of fun to do together.  Have you read any of Dr. Chapman's books?

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  1. I got 10 for Acts of Service and 8 for Receiving Gifts! Under receiving gifts it said "Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous – so would the absence of everyday gestures." This explains why I was so mad/disappointed about my birthday this year. Ha!

    1. Ever since I sent my test results to Dave he has been doing the dishes every night! Makes me melt. And smile :)

      Last night he even swept and mopped the kitchen floor for me!

  2. I read the book when Matt and I were dating. At the time, mine was quality time...but these days it would probably be words of affirmation. : )

  3. I scored a 10 in physical touch and my next two highest were words of affirmation and acts of service. I got a 0 in gifts. You know, I've always told Jason that I would rather he load the dishwasher that buy me flowers. I guess he should just give me a hug first. =)

  4. That's really interesting. I think I would like to read the book to find out more.


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