Saturday, July 14, 2012

How Do You Deal With Disappointment

They say it takes a village to raise children.  Well, we don't have a village.  It is pretty much just the two of us.  We struggle and work hard to try to give our children a complete life, but when I see other grandparents providing encouragement and love and support to their children and grandchildren, I know that my children are missing out.  My family particularly just doesn't care to be involved in their lives.  We do everything we can to get our family together for holidays, vacations, etc.  We had to pay to get our parents to join us for a beach vacation last year, and they still didn't act like they cared to be with us or appreciated it.  My parents live in their hometown where they sit at home with no other family who cares to visit with them.  They rarely call us and rarely come to visit.  When they do call, it is to complain about their health and their problems and never to just ask how we are doing and how their grandchildren are.  They don't care what is going on in our lives.  I know that this constant bitterness that I have developed in my heart is poisoning my attitude at home.  I don't want this to affect my children, but I know that it will.  We had heard (through Facebook nonetheless) that my great-grandmother, aunt, and uncle would be coming all the way from California and Indiana.  They didn't call us, but I reached out to them and offered our home as a place to stay.  They didn't return the messages or calls.  I read that they would be in our town this week again via Facebook.  My parents had not called to tell me any plans either.  I had attempted to call my parents several times but one number is permanently out of service and my dad's cell phone just gives a constant busy signal.  When I finally got up with him Thursday night, he finally confirmed they would be in town this weekend staying at a hotel.  Um, I guess they weren't going to tell us and weren't really concerned about seeing us.  So we graciously say that's great and to let us know when they get here Friday night, and we'll get dinner together and plan some time together.  Friday night, we wait for a call or message.  I finally message my aunt, and she says they are already eating at an IHOP just down the road and will try to stop by later (it is already 7:00 p.m.).  We head out to feed our children dinner and are home again by 8:00.  Finally, they call about 9:00 p.m. to say they are coming over.  My youngest has already fallen asleep due to not taking a proper nap that afternoon because of the waiting.  They hang around for about an hour and brush off every attempt and offer I make to get together the next day.  Regardless, I called them this morning to ask about getting together for breakfast, lunch, or dinner.  My aunt says they will likely not be up and ready to go out for breakfast (or lunch mind you) and that maybe we can get together for dinner later or something and that they are leaving early in the morning.  Tell me, what was the point of this trip?  Obviously not to see us!  So again, we wait to plan something for dinner, and then I get a message that they've decided to bypass us and make plans for dinner with my brother's family who makes no effort to be a part of the family.  This is just par for the course for us.  We end up with hurt feelings and are made to look like the cause of not getting the family together.  What would you do if you were us?  We actually traveled out to California two years ago to visit with this family for a week vacation, and during the whole week, they rejected every offer of ours to do something except us going over and hanging out at their house.  We were on vacation with our young son and wanted to make a memorable trip for him so we couldn't just hang out at their house all week.  Please pray for our family that God will mend our hurt hearts and show us what He would have us to do!  We were really hoping this weekend would be different!

(It took a lot to write this, but I am hoping that some of you will have some real advice to offer.  Perhaps you have been through a similar situation.)



  1. What a sucky situation. I am pretty close to my family and my husband is with his too, so I don't have any good advice to offer. I'm interested in seeing what others may have to say. Sorry about this. It must be super stressful.

  2. I am so sorry. Unfortunately I don't have any advice either. I'll be praying for your family!

  3. Hm, although I can't say I know EXACTLY how you feel, I can say that I have a similar situation with my so-called "family" and it completely STINKS!! And from years living without that family unit, this is what I know. Family is more than just blood relatives. Friends can sometimes be more of family than any biological relative, and at this point I would start praying and looking for those relationships that can fill that void in your life. Do you belong to a church? If so I would start praying that God would send people into your lives that can encourage you in Christ as well as be there for your children. You may be surprised at the answer you get. As for your biologic family I will say this. If you choose to continue to extend yourselves to them then you need to just be realistic in your expectations and let the rest GO. Mainly I would say to pray for them and then leave them in God's hands & just let the relationship take it's natural course, whatever that may be, without any expectations but trusting in God to lead it in the right way. I'm sorry that they were so callous, and I'm sorry that you were hurt, but remember to forgive, as the bible says "Then Peter came to him and asked, 'Lord, how often should I forgive someone who sins against me? Seven times?' "No, not seven times," Jesus replied, "but seventy times seven!" (Matthew 18:21-21) So just as Jesus forgave us for much more heinous sins than what you've experienced, remember we are called to forgive those who hurt us. And know that I am NOT saying that's easy, I'm just saying it's what we're called to do. And when all else fails remember that your TRUE Father loves you AND your children more than He loved His own Son, and He sent Him to die to prove it to you, so rejoice and be glad in His love.
    Hope that helped a little! Be blessed sister.


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